The following is the first in a series of Executive Orders by Agnes Regina in response the conditions in the modern world for Citizens and Companions of the Commonwealth of Elsewhere.
Executive Order No. 001
On the Restoration of Sense and Decency
By the Authority vested in me as Queen of the Commonwealth of Elsewhere by the Royal Charter, the Laws of Said Realm and the kind acquiescence of the citizenry, it is hereby ordered:
That all proclamations of falsehood, vanity, and braggadocio be returned to their originators, wrapped in gilded mirrors, that they may behold more closely their own handiwork.
That truth, having been much maligned, shall henceforth be granted diplomatic immunity and escorted safely across all borders of speech.
That humility shall be restored to public office as a condition of service to the public, with a lifetime ban imposed on hubris disguised as confidence.
That the phrase “alternative facts” be replaced in all public documents with the words “deliberate confusions,” the latter being more accurate and less exhausting to historians.
That the citizens of Elsewhere may, upon hearing bombastic obfuscations, tu quoque, projection, gaslighting and other such mischievous nincompoopery, place a single hand upon the heart and whisper, “We see you,” thus neutralizing its charm though it is not charming.
And finally, that all who mistake cruelty for strength be required, for their own benefit and well-being to serve a term of quiet labor as a form of recovery tending the gardens of empathy, until the soil of the soul grows soft again.
General Provisions
(a) Nothing in this order shall be construed to impair or otherwise affect:
(i) the authority granted by law to an executive department or agency, or the head thereof; or
(ii) the functions of the Director of OSG (Office of Self Governance) relating to budgetary, administrative, or legislative proposals.
(b) This order shall be implemented consistent with applicable law and subject to the availability of appropriations.
(c) Contracting outside the Royal Government to circumvent the intent of this order is prohibited.
(d) This order does not prohibit making reallocations or reassignments to meet the highest priority needs, maintain essential services, and protect public peace and safety.
(e) This order shall not adversely impact anything.
(f) This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the Realm of Elsewhere, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person.
(g) If any provision of this order, or the application of any provision to any person or circumstance, is held to be invalid, the remainder of this order and the application of its provisions to any other persons or circumstances shall not be affected thereby.
(h) The costs for publication of this order shall be borne by the OSG.
HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN OF THE COMMONWEALTH OF ELSEWHERE
THE QUEEN’S SUMMER PALACE
October 20, 2025
