Executive Order No. 003
On the Proper Care and Feeding of Truth
By the authority vested in me as Queen of the Realm of Elsewhere, by the Royal Charter and the Laws of Said Realm, it is hereby ordered:
That Truth, being a delicate and easily startled creature, shall henceforth be treated as a living being rather than an instrument of convenience.
That no citizen shall attempt to domesticate Truth by forcing it into slogans, cages, or televised debates. It must be allowed to roam freely through all provinces of thought, gathering its own nourishment.
That Truth shall not be overfed with opinion nor starved by silence. A balanced diet of evidence, reflection, and direct experience is to be maintained at all times.
That those who speak in the name of Truth must first wash their tongues in humility and refrain from seasoning their words with arrogance or self-interest.
That public officials, commentators, and all who claim possession of Truth must present proof of regular exercise in doubt, irony, and contemplation, to prevent ideological obesity.
That any distortion of Truth for profit, vanity, or partisan sport shall be considered an act of cruelty and subject to rehabilitation through service in the Ministry of Listening, where offenders shall spend one lunar cycle hearing the views of others without interruption.
That all citizens are reminded: Truth is not a pet to be paraded, but a wild grace to be approached with reverence. It does not serve, it reveals. It does not flatter, it frees.
General Provisions
(a) Nothing in this order shall be construed to impair or otherwise affect:
(i) the authority granted by law to an executive department or agency, or the head thereof; or
(ii) the functions of the Office of Self-Governance (OSG) relating to budgetary, administrative, or legislative proposals.
(b) This order shall be implemented consistent with applicable law and subject to the availability of appropriations.
(c) Contracting outside the Royal Government to circumvent the intent of this order is prohibited.
(d) This order does not prohibit making reallocations or reassignments to meet the highest priority needs, maintain essential services, and protect public peace and safety.
(e) This order shall not adversely impact anything.
(f) This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the Realm of Elsewhere, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person.
(g) If any provision of this order, or the application of any provision to any person or circumstance, is held to be invalid, the remainder of this order and the application of its provisions to any other persons or circumstances shall not be affected thereby.
(h) The costs for publication of this order shall be borne by the Office of Self-Governance (OSG).
HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN OF ELSEWHERE
THE QUEEN’S SUMMER PALACE
October 30, 2025
