Chapter 4: The Greenland Gambit
It began, as so many world-historical absurdities do, with a "very serious" idea floated casually during a state dinner.
Meanwhile, "Red, White, and Blueland Act of 2025" (H.R.1161) was introduced in the House of Representatives to authorize the President to negotiate the acquisition of Greenland from Denmark and to rename it "Red, White, and Blueland". The bill was introduced by Representative Buddy Carter of Georgia. (I kid you not, look it up.)
Between the fourth Diet Coke and the fifth scoop of ice cream, President Donald Trump leaned across the linen-draped table and said:
"We should just buy Greenland. I mean it. Tremendous real estate. Ice is very in right now. Big growth market. Plus — strategic! Very strategic. Like Park Place but colder."
The Danish Prime Minister laughed politely.
Trump did not laugh.
The next morning, in what aides referred to as "one of his executive moods," he tweet…
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