Chapter 4: The Greenland Gambit
The Kingdom of Palm Beachonia
Chapter 4: The Greenland Gambit
It began, as so many world-historical absurdities do, with a "very serious" idea floated casually during a state dinner.
Meanwhile, "Red, White, and Blueland Act of 2025" (H.R.1161) was introduced in the House of Representatives to authorize the President to negotiate the acquisition of Greenland from Denmark and to rename it "Red, White, and Blueland". The bill was introduced by Representative Buddy Carter of Georgia. (I kid you not, look it up.)
Between the fourth Diet Coke and the fifth scoop of ice cream, President Donald Trump leaned across the linen-draped table and said:
"We should just buy Greenland. I mean it. Tremendous real estate. Ice is very in right now. Big growth market. Plus — strategic! Very strategic. Like Park Place but colder."
The Danish Prime Minister laughed politely.
Trump did not laugh.
The next morning, in what aides referred to as "one of his executive moods," he tweeted:
"Greenland belongs to us now. I hereby declare it part of America. You’re welcome!"
And so began Operation Icebreaker —
the shortest, coldest, and most bewildering annexation attempt in modern history.
Phase One: The Diplomatic Approach
At first, Trump tried negotiation.
He offered Denmark:
$10 billion in Freedom Bonds, redeemable only at Trump properties.
Naming rights to the first five Starbucks built on Greenland’s coastline.
A free month’s stay at Trump International Golf Links (terms and conditions applied).
Denmark politely declined.
"Greenland is not for sale," they said, as if speaking to a very earnest child offering Monopoly money for a lighthouse.
Trump responded in kind:
"That’s okay. We’ll take it anyway. It’s basically empty. Like the inside of CNN."
Trump order the invasion of Greenland but the US Military politely refused to comply with the orders by creating a series of delay tactics sighting that it would take a significant amount of time to plan out an invasion and was ambiguous about a timeline for being able to begin the operation.
Trump decided to hire MAGA private ‘military’ contractors to carry out the invasion.
Phase Two: The Invasion
Operation Icebreaker was launched at dawn, or as close to dawn as one could get in Greenland’s strange Arctic twilight.
The invasion force consisted of:
Six surplus monster trucks fitted with snow chains
The Freedom Battalion, a hastily assembled regiment of unpaid interns wearing camo-patterned MAGA hats.
A portable stage for "Victory Rallies," complete with glitter cannons and backup singers dressed as bald eagles.
They landed clumsily at Nuuk, Greenland’s sleepy capital, where a few startled fishermen watched as Trump’s personal golf cart rolled down the ramp of a cargo plane, proudly emblazoned with:
“TRUMP'S GLACIAL EMPIRE — COMING SOON!”
No shots were fired.
No barricades were built.
The Greenlanders simply blinked slowly, shrugged against the cold, and went back to what they were doing — namely, fishing, knitting, and not caring very much about American politics.
Phase Three: Establishing Control
Trump proclaimed the immediate founding of "Redwhite&blueland",
installing himself as Supreme Ice Commander.
Victory parades were held (attendance: 14 interns and a very confused sled dog).
New True ID cards were issued (redeemable for free igloo stays).
Plans were drafted for the first Trump Tower Nuuk —
a gleaming golden monstrosity that, in the renderings, featured jacuzzis perched atop glaciers and a 300-foot-tall statue of Trump giving a thumbs-up to the polar bears.
A national anthem was composed on the spot, set to the tune of "YMCA," with lyrics hastily rewritten as:
"Redwhite&blueland, it’s fun to freeze down in Redwhite&blueland!"
Truth Social streamed the festivities live to an audience of several dozen bored Floridians and two accidentally connected refrigerator monitors. The news media sent crews to cover the invasion and outnumbered Trumps private army by 12 to 1
Phase Four: The Collapse
Problems mounted almost immediately.
The monster trucks, despite their snow chains, quickly became immobilized in deep drifts.
The Freedom Battalion discovered that their uniforms were not waterproof, nor windproof, nor proof against the growing suspicion that none of them had actually signed up for this.
Supplies ran low: Trump, believing Redwhite&blueland was "full of organic food," had not brought any real rations.
The army survived for three days on canned cheese spray and crackers.
Meanwhile, Redwhiteandbluelanders continued their daily lives with mild annoyance but no real resistance.
One fisherman summarized it best:
"Let him have the ice. He’ll get bored."
He was right.
By day six, Trump had declared victory, built exactly one "Freedom Monument" (a snowman wearing a MAGA hat), and become terminally bored.
"Too much snow," he complained. "Very low energy. Very low excitement. No good restaurants. Very bad for the brand."
He ordered an immediate withdrawal.
The Freedom Battalion fled aboard the same cargo plane that had brought them in, dragging behind them pallets of unused Trump Redwhiteandblueland flags ("MAKING ICE GREAT AGAIN!") and slightly frostbitten egos.
The Aftermath
Back in America, Trump gave a triumphant press conference:
"Historic success. Biggest success in Redwhiteandblueland history.
They love us now. Tremendous appreciation. They’re probably going to name an iceberg after me. A big one. The best one."
Denmark quietly resumed governance of Greenland, issuing a polite statement that simply read:
"Thanks for visiting."
Trump’s official biography later described the Greenland incident as "A Strategic Deployment of Freedom."
Historians described it as "A Very Expensive Camping Trip."
And somewhere outside Nuuk, a weathered snowman in a tattered red hat slowly melted under the endless Arctic sun, the last monument to a brief, bewildering empire of frost.
And there you have it.
(Next Chapter Teaser:
Chapter 5 — The Glorious Kingdom of Palm Beachonia
→ How Hakeem Jeffries becomes Speaker of the House, Trump is impeached, Vance Resigns, Hakeem Jeffries becomes president and Trump becomes King)
Finding Your Creative Voice
The problem for many artists is to confuse the difference between following your own creative vision and making ‘marketable’ stuff that resembles art that you think will sell on a market. The first and foremost thing an artist must do is develop and follow their own inner intuitive drive and creative vision and frankly, their own peculiarities.
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